22 weeks, 4 days

Dear Gavin,

This morning was a little scary. I woke up and had some bright red bleeding again. I crawled back into bed and just lay there, thinking about you. The fear is so overwhelming sometimes; I hope that once you're here, I can protect you from these feelings. We've come so far together - we're more than halfway there! You have changed from being just an idea into a real person: my son. I love you more and more everyday and find it hard to comprehend my life without you.

The bleeding stopped and I noticed the abdominal pain from last night was also gone. God is good. We went to a matinee and saw "The Backup Plan". Judging from the amount of kicking and squirming you did during the movie, I have a feeling that you hate chick flicks as much as your father does!

After that we went to look at some baby clothes and maternity clothes. I feel like it's important to keep buying things for you - I never want to acknowledge that there's any other possible outcome than you being born in September. We went by Borders and I got you two little books. I want to start reading to you every night so you'll get used to the sound of my voice and me reading to you. Here's one of them:

How Do I Love You?
by Marion Dane Bauer

How do I love you?
Let me count the ways.
I love you as the sun
loves the bright blue days.
I love you as the bee
loves a fragrant flower.
I love you as the thirsty duck
loves a sudden shower.
I love you as the bird
loves a song to sing.
I love you as the walking bear
loves the smell of spring.
I love you as the cat
loves a sunny sill.
And as the dancing snowflakes
love the winter's chill.

How do I love you?
Let me tell you how.
I love you as the nest
loves the sturdy bough.
I love you as the sea
loves the sandy shore.
And as the ancient world
loved the dinosaur.
I love you as the wind
loves it's own sweet sound.
And as our friendly Earth
loves to spin around.

I love you as the moon
loves each shining star.
I love all that you will be
and everything you are.

Goodnight, Gavin. Mommy loves you.